Is it Fair?
Are you giving equal consideration to everyone?
I grew up as a people pleaser. I would always serve everyone before me, go last, give others the best part, go without if there was nothing left over, and take on doing more and working harder to take the stress off others. I had developed the subconscious belief that I needed to be a good person to survive; the belief that I needed to keep everyone else happy to have peace; the belief that if I was a good person then I wouldn’t get told off; wouldn’t get sent away; wouldn’t get hit. The belief that if I was a good person then I would be loved. The belief that if I followed the rules that made me a good person then I would be worthy. and of worth.
It was these beliefs that led to me having a stress induced health crisis in my early forties.
The belief that we should serve others first and put ourselves last sounds noble, holy, even divine, but who does it really serve? Even if you are ready to question whether this belief is healthy for you, then it is usually an embedded belief that can be challenging to transform. If you can relate to any of this then I want to let you know one thing that has helped me to shift these beliefs to something healthier and more balanced.
What is fair?
I began to ask myself: “Am I being fair to everyone – including myself.”
Shifting from a belief of self-less giving to a belief in fairness is an easy transition, largely because serving and fairness are both viewed by Christian based societies as virtues. There is a sense in society that things are allowed to be fair. This means that it is easier to step into granting yourself permission to give and receive fairly, compared to a concept like loving yourself first may which may feel like too big of a leap to your subconscious mind and create internal resistance leading to self-sabotage.
Next time you are tempted to over-give, or put yourself last, or go without, or take a heavier load to make it easier for others, then I invite you to ask yourself, “What would be fair to everyone, including me, in this situation?”
Grant yourself permission to give and receive equally.
A Gift
The concept of being fair relates to giving and receiving, letting go and letting in, and the ebb and flow of the tide. When you both give and receive, then it opens a channel for energy to flow. If you only give and resist receiving then one end of the channel is blocked and flow is limited.
There is a meditation practice based around these concepts that I often use and I have recorded a guided audio if you would like to try it too (link below). It involves imagining that you are a royal sovereign sitting on a rock in the middle of a gently flowing river. The water in the river is symbolic of Infinite Love. To begin you are invited to let go by imagining releasing anything that doesn’t serve you into the water to be carried away or for any “to do’s” that are weighing on you to be looked after by people around you that are happy to take care of you. You can also imagine placing people you love and are worried about into the water to be carried by Infinite Love. Sometimes when we imagine letting something go in this way, we realise that it is not our burden to carry anyway. For the next part of the meditation you imagine turning round to face the water in the river coming towards you and visualise that things you desire are flowing to you on the river as gifts.
I would love to know if you listen to the meditation and if you have any feedback on it. It is difficult to leave quiet empty space on an audio so if at any point you need more processing time then you can pause the meditation and start it again when you are ready to move on. I have recorded it without music because music is quite an individual preference. Personally, music helps me to relax and engage with a meditation so what I often do with meditations without a soundtrack is play music I like on a separate device at the same time as the meditation.
Arohanui, much love
Janine
Letting Go and Receiving River Visualisation